Saturday, June 11, 2011

Sunday, January 02, 2011

Wondering about Life

I wonder sometimes. Why does life hurt? Why do all the little things that seem so trivial at the moment end up causing so much pain?

I am sitting here today, catching up on some laundry while my daughter naps, and I hurt. I am trying to not be bitter about where my life has taken me so far, and trying to not let myself wallow is self-pity and hatred. Because I know that ultimately it will not get me anywhere. What I am trying to figure out is how I have gotten to where I am and why I have allowed myself to take this route.

I do know some reasons why: fear, anger, loneliness, boredom, seeking approval, not valuing myself.

And while I can pinpoint some reasons why, I wonder why I have a lack of self-control. Why I have failed to use common sense, or open my eyes to the obvious, or why I have disregarded so many little warning signs almost daily. And I guess it's because I am stubborn (not always a good thing), I have a fear of being controlled when I lack control over my own self, and because of this, here I am.

I am a 25 year old divorced mother of one daughter. Very basic, fairly common anymore, but that's not all I am. I am so much more, but is it really anything important, anything defining, anything worth being? I almost wonder if I know my potential, but I am scared to reach for fulfillment of that potential, because it might make me have to work harder. Might make me have to deny myself something right now, at this moment, in return for something with a bigger, better return in the future.

Friday evening, New Year's Eve, was the beginning of a huge wake-up call that continued on until this morning. I continue to do stupid things, make stupid decisions, for no better reason than I didn't think first. I refused to think first. I insisted on looking the other way, trying to convince myself that it was all right, everything will work out, no big deal. When all those little no-big-deals morph inot really-big-deals eventually.

And that is inevitably the cause of pain.

End of my rambling today.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas Banana Bread

When I was 18, I dated a guy, Brandon, who had a wonderful grandmother, Donna. We were together for a little over two years, and one Christmas, she presented me with a recipe binder filled with her and her family's favorite recipes. There were probably 100+ recipes, handwritten, in this thing. It is by far one of the most sincere and generous gifts I have ever received. The amount of time this lady spent putting it together in itself means alot.

I'll admit, I haven't tried every recipe yet, and I've had the binder for 7 years now. But, the ones I have tried, I have loved, and this is one of them. Because it's Christmas, y'all, and it's widely known that Christmas isn't Christmas without baking.

May I present to you, Christmas Banana Bread. Happy baking! and Merry Christmas!

Christmas Banana Bread

1/2 c. softened butter
1 c. sugar
2 eggs
2 c. flour
1 t. baking soda
1/4 t. salt
1 1/4 c. mashed ripe bananas (approx. 3 medium bananas)
1/2 c. chopped walnuts (I prefer no nuts in mine)
1/2 c. semisweet chocolate chips (I always use upwards of 1 cup...more chocolate please!)
1/4 c. chopped maraschino cherries (not too finely chopped)

In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar. Add eggs, beating well. Combine flour, baking soda, and salt; gradually add to creamed mixture. Beat in bananas. Stir in remaining ingredients. Pour into a greased loaf pan. Bake at 350 degrees F for 70-80 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes in pan before removing from pan to further cool on wire rack. Yields one loaf.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Scrangie: October is Depression Awareness Month

Please check out this blog post. It's very important to me, and her nail polish reviews are great too. Thanks!

Scrangie: October is Depression Awareness Month

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Change of tack

I started this blog about 4 years ago. My original thought was to have this as a fashion commentary and a bit of thoughtful rambling. I think I posted once. Then I picked it back up a few months ago and posted a couple of times, primarily about my current crocheting project. I'm changing direction again. I think I will still post about WIPs, and for the most part, tell some stories and ramble. Because in normal conversation, I ramble on and skitter off onto many rabbit trails. So why not do the same here?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Finished!!


Amazingly enough, I finished it! Here's my little munchkin modeling her new dress. It is a bit big for her yet, so maybe by the fall she can wear it. I didn't do sleeves on it, as I just could not figure out what to do. So, it can be worn alone, or maybe with a little long sleeve shirt underneath and tights. I finally finished something! Now off to the ten thousand other projects...

Monday, May 31, 2010

I am really hung up on the sleeves on this dress. I must be really stupid or something because I just can't figure out the sleeves from the pattern. I think I will ened up creating my own sleeves for it. I have GOT to finish this, and this sleeves thing is driving me bonkers!! Anybody have any suggestions??